everyone and nobody.

Oh, what happened to posting every day? I don't know. Life.?

Our dog died today. She was sick and had to be put down. You were a good dog Flurry.

sigh.

I'm not ready to try dating again. My heart still is not healed. God is merciful and I don't know where I'd be without that relationship. But man oh man, it still hurts.

I don't like thinking about pain. I don't like thinking about how much pain is required for people to finally decide that death is better than living. I don't like to think about how much pain that decision causes. I don't like to think about loneliness or physical handicaps. I don't like to think about misunderstandings or missing loved ones or falling down and scraping your knee. I don't like to think about lies or faking your way through life. And even though I see them every day, I don't have to think about it. And then something happens. and you have to think about it. and all those times you didn't think about it because you didn't want to build up and something breaks. and i just cry and cry and cry. because I'm so sad and I'm so sorry that when I had the chance to do something I decided to rather not think about it. and now that I finally think about it -- think about you-- the time of action on your behalf is gone. I'm so sorry.

I don't deserve to be happy while you hurt.
I don't understand mercy.
I love it, but I don't understand it.

There is a girl down the street that I went longboarding with. I think she's maybe 14. I just want to hug her and hold her and protect her and do anything for her.
but I don't know how.
and it breaks my heart.

oh man.