no turning back

Wow, so I guess it's been a year since I posted last. Lame!

Joel and I got married.
I think that is the biggest sentence of my life.

I really support marriage. For Joel and I, divorce isn't an option. We really meant it when we said until death do us part. And I couldn't imagine it any other way. My parents didn't have a great marriage for a long time. For like 20 years. So I know what it looks like to wish you could get out of a marriage. But what I'm blown away by is what marriage brings.
For us it means that we are committed to each other regardless. Scary. It's hard to make that kind of informed decision. Informed being - our eyes are wide open. People that we are very close to have had affairs, have gotten sick, have changed, have secrets, hearts have been ripped apart. We don't put our faith in each other, because lets face it, we will let each other down. But it's not like this is a relationship without trust though. Nah, we wouldn't have got this far if that was the case. We took vows, and lets take them for what they are; They don't call for perfection, in fact they basically spell out that it's not going to be there. (What do you think that "for worse" part is all about?) They don't really allow any loop holes for feelings or lack of them. Time doesn't run out. Better offers don't get to come along. You are binding yourself, your past, present, and future, your hearts, your thoughts, your families, your emotions, your secrets, your shames, your well-being, your hopes, your fears, your everything to another person. You say, here you go, you hope that they are careful, and on top of that, you've decided there is no way out. That you have chosen this and you will go along with it. Man oh man, if that isn't scary, I don't know what is.
But now the good part. We feel the same way - we've looked at the seriousness of the decision and we went for it. And now we both have a partner forever. I never have to move to a town and not know anyone again. He doesn't have to worry about getting hurt and me getting tired of playing nurse and leaving. We can speak our hopes and shames freely without ridicule. We don't have to fear changes or hardships, because we've sworn to be each others constant. Within this ridiculous vulnerability we are ridiculously free. And for that amazing freedom I have agreed to head down this road. *Here's* to for richer or poorer, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish.....