just nothing.

Hey there.
I haven't posted in a long time. I've been in Oregon. I've been in Washington. I've been in love. I've been in tears. And now I'm back in Jackson, Wyoming. So let's continue on.

It's a rainy, cold, day. I'm happy, but I'm being lame and pseudo-philosophical.
I'm just writing what comes to mind.

How powerful, how dangerous it is to write things. I do not feel like I've been abusing this power. But it is amazing to me the unchanging nature of written words while the mind can be so decided one day -- and completely decided the next day -- and the decisions are equally different. Ha! What a laugh. But perhaps there is greater beauty and truth in the written word than in my mind. But that would lend for the belief that beauty and truth are defined by stability. And perhaps in the chaos around and within it is not truth and beauty that we seek, but rather comfort... even in lies. I've seen it again and again. The consistent lie is more comforting than the inconsistent truth. And by inconsistent I mean that it doesn't fit well with the rest of our frame of mind. Wouldn't a family rather ignore or deny a glaring discrepancy in one of the members lifestyles as long as the family appears to be functioning normally, than to face the inconsistency even though it is the truth?Wouldn't we also rather do that for ourselves? I think that is our natural bent -- To try and make life appear consistent. ...with our morality. With our convictions. With our friends and relatives and neighbors. With our community and environment. But when we are forcing the appearance of consistency, in truth isn't that a greater degree of inconsistency? But maybe that is the only way to subdue the beast of chaos. I value very much honesty and freedom to be free. But there has to be some sort of constraints. hmmm. Freedom abused is selfish. But is freedom restrained still freedom? Or is that the true sort of freedom? Not the freedom to cause chaos, but the freedom to live outside of it. blah blah blah. I feel like a jerk. Because though I like the thought of being a free spirit, I know that it comes at the cost of someone else. We can not all be. Not this side of heaven. damn it. You are free as long as you don't invade my freedom. After that all hell breaks loose. How impossible not to invade, touch, effect, bump, hurt, feel, each other while in community. The only freedom is solitude? boo.

I don't think that I've been in love, and I haven't cried for a while either. Being in Oregon, Washington and now back in Wyoming are however, true.